My genesis story

I built a wall to protect my heart. Brick by brick I sealed myself into a cold and dark square. No one could hurt me.  I am untouchable, but not invincible. My deceitful heart desired more. Once it convinced me to never let anyone in. Then it turned around and cried to be touched and to feel.

So I started to peel off the bricks with my fingers. The physical pain distracted me from my shame of having an uncontrollable heart. Then I saw the light, and I thought it was good. Maybe the heart was right, I needed to feel and to take a chance. I started with a small window where I could reach out my arm to the outside and feel the sunlight and the cool air. I thought that was good, that was the end of day one.  The next day I broke down the window to make a door. I stepped out of the door and my legs touched the sun. I could see my shadow. I thought that was good, and that ended day two.  Then I saw people, many many people. I stood by my wall as they go about their lives on the fast lane. My wall was in the middle of the crowded city where no one seemed to have time to stop. Then one stopped and talked to me. My heart told me that was meant to be, that all of my effort was paying off at that very moment. That night I started to plan how I could build a bigger wall that could fit 2 people. That was day four.  I started working on the blue print, and I jumped with joy. From a brick wall I imagined a house with yards and fences and many other bright color objects. Then I waited for that person to stop by. That was day five.  The next morning, he passed through me with no time to stop. That was day six.  My heart trembled with fear for every tears I shed. It knew how deceiving it had been to me.  That was day seven.  God stopped working on this day, He rested and blessed it.  

So I decided to stop listening to my heart and follow logic.  Logic has given me no feeling, and no reasons to forgive. The same cold and lonely feeling came back to me.  I started to build a wall. I built a wall to protect my heart. Brick by brick I sealed myself into a cold and dark square. No one could hurt me……..

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