Recently I was asked why I changed. Why now? What happened?
If you were to ask me 18 months ago if I wanted to get married and settle down with 1 person for the rest of my life, I would confidently say no. 1 person for the rest of your life? That is much harder than traveling alone overseas being a girl, and definitely much longer than staying on the plane for 16 hours from the U.S. to Asia. Not to mention being married means kids, and church on Sunday and family dining places where gourmet food and specialty drinks are nonexistent. And yet, now, here I am looking forward to finding that one person to share all of that uncertainty and mess with.
Imagine yourself watching an opera. The lights are turned off. The red velvet curtain is slowly opening. You look around and you see many people in the dark. You are comfortable and feel safe because you know that all these people are there to watch the same show. They dress elegantly. They probably drink champagne for breakfast and speak in polite manners. You are enjoying yourself. Then the play starts. The loud music, the bright light, the insanely beautiful high-pitched voice, everything makes you fall in love. You cry when the main characters cry; you laugh when they are happy and then you cry again, and hope and get disappointed. Your emotions follow what happens up on stage. You have no control of what can happen next, and you are just there for the ride. Then it’s over. The ending was exactly what you expected. All the lights are turned on revealing just a wooden stage floor. The velvet curtain seems so old and a bit dusty. You are sitting on the plastic arm chair, and one of your legs is asleep. You are left with sadness and a longing for more time with the play. But it’s over, and you know you have to leave and join the after party. More parties to look forward to!
That’s “why now”. I have loved and cried. I have laughed and be disappointed. I have moved from one stage to another, and after a while, my feet are tired, and I want to rest. The question of what’s next becomes extremely annoying. What’s next? I want to be able to ask what else should we do? instead of what’s next.
I did not realize that I was tired until my niece was born. I was enjoying life dating gorgeous and talented men. I could travel whenever I want, wherever I want. Dinners alone could be lonely sometimes, but there are always friends to grab drinks with afterwards. Life was good. Good….
Then she came along, this little person. The moment I held her in my arms, I knew I was missing something in my life. Watching her take her first step melted my heart. Hearing her call my name made me go crazy. Putting her to sleep gave me peace. Suddenly I realized, my life… was good… but not great.
Then I begin to image a life in which I live for someone and would be willing to give up everything for that person and give it up happily. I long for a person to hold me when I’m happy and also when I’m not. I want to come back home, crash on my bed and have someone lying next to me. And I want that to last.
So.. to answer the question on the Huffpost’s article (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-perkins/three-reasons-i-love-bein_b_5630353.html) “If you’re not yet married, what do you most look forward to about it? ” Those are the things I look forward to.
Love and marriage: Scary, yes! Exciting, heck yes! Risky, for sure! Worth it?……I think so…