You work for a company, you know the work you do is to increase profits and to be cautious of innovation which is the essential part of your being. You keep telling yourself you are buying time, and you can take control of the situation and beat it. But there are days when your heart races, your hands shake due to anger and frustration, and there is no way out. You can’t leave, you can’t quit, for the sake of … a visa.
As an non-citizen in this country, not only do you have to learn to be a good and a successful person, you also need to make sure you do not cross the lines. You can’t take chances and take risks for the first risk is deportation.
What do you do when your eyes burn and you have to pinch yourself just so tears don’t uncontrollably fall? What do you do when your hands shake so much typing becomes a challenge? What do you do when you are just sick of telling the same people who encourage you to “follow your passion” that the impact of quitting is more than just quitting? What do you do when your future and the future of your entire family in another country far away is based solely on your shoulder?
I pray. I breathe. I text my sister and my best friends. I avoid eye contact with the people that cause my trembling. I think about all the good things that could happen to my family if I don’t do anything, if I don’t take the risk, if I am stronger.
What do you do?